Breaking news: 83% of all women turned off by small peckers

December 10, 2006

Email!

A guy named Andy Lyles starts off quite promising, sending me an email titled “+ 5 inches or your money back”. Now I do not know what 5 inches he’s talking about but he’s offering me my money back if those 5 inches somehow fail to appear somewhere. Seems like a good offer. But then he kind of spoils it in the actual email itself.

yo Dude

I don’t care why your weenie is so small, but 72% of women do.
They are pretty sure that bigger meat will make their desire
stronger. You have the chance to change your life.

Here http://www.amassed.net you can get the thing.

It will help you for sure.
The remedy can be sent worldwide.
If you wont be satisfied – we will return all you money.
No bullshit.

You see? Quite personal I’d say. Obviously addressed to the wrong person but still, me and my pecker feel slightly insulted.

Next email. A guy called Osamu Adachi, and he informs me he “Never thought that so small ramrod exists.”. His actual email is not much better, if vaguely familiar.

YO dude

I don’t care why your sausage is so small, but 87% of women do.
They are pretty sure that bigger weenie will make their desire
stronger. You have the chance to change your life.

Here http://hemmed.net you can get the thing.

It will help you for sure.
The remedy can be sent worldwide.
If you wont be satisfied – we will return all you money.
No bullshit.

It appears my weenie turned into a sausage and according to Osamu it’s not 72% but 87% of all women who will be turned off by small sausages (maybe they’re more insulting than tiny weenies), but I think he and Andy are in on it together.

A third email in row, a reply this time, from a girl(?) called Sylvia Bippus. She’s taken the ramrod from Osamu and asks me in an email titled “[RE:] could you reply why your one-eyed monster is so short? :)”

hei sir

I don’t care why your ramrod is so small, but 83% of women do.
They are pretty sure that bigger sausage will make their desire
stronger. You have the chance to change your life.

Here http://www.mullahs.net you can get the thing.

It will help you for sure.
The remedy can be sent worldwide.
If you wont be satisfied – we will return all you money.
No bullshit.

Now Sylvia is a woman, I can see that by looking at her name, so I’m tempted to go for her statistics on this one. 83% of all women seem turned off by small ramrods, wienies and one-eyed monsters, and by going to mullahs.net, hemmed.net or amassed.net, you fix that. And if your resulting pecker is any less than 5 inches bigger than before, Andy will give you your money back.

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2 Responses to “Breaking news: 83% of all women turned off by small peckers”

  1. evilzenscientist said

    Obviously bad targetting – an expat Dutchman probably doesn’t need this as much as some.

    BBC: Condoms ‘too big’ for Indian men

  2. Tiens said

    This is absolutely hysterical Captain! You are toooooooo funny! Love it!

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